and if it's written on my face/i hope it never goes away

it's amazing what can change in one week
in one day
in the blink of an eye.

this is why i love you

random msn conversations, like:

S: ha.. I forgot to tell you last night i was at work for a little while( i got to home early), but any, i cut this guy some fabric, and he said, it looks lke you cut it a little crooked there, so i smile snobbily and cut another piece, but what I really wanted to do was say"I'll cut you crooked!"
N: but you should have broken a glass on the table and THEN said "i'll cut you crooked!"
S: haha, have you seen the scissors we use though?? they are SHANK-Tastic.. in fact the are Double Shank-tastic



N: oow cooking with olive oil in just a bra, not good
S: ouch
S: fareen cookin bacon
S: naked
N: ha! how do you like your eggs? fertilized?
S: yes please!
N: ha
N: and ew
N: all at once
S: ewha
N: haew



N: i've also regressed into a caveman and have no use for utensils anymore
S: so you use your hands?
N: yes.
N: more food goes in my mouth faster that way

for some answer/to this fire/sinking slowly/water's higher/desire.

people have been so obsessed with my eyelashes lately. i can't stop getting comments on how long, or dark, or soft, or pretty they are. yes, someone told me my eyelashes look soft.

if this was a secret talent that i was proud of, like my mad Scrabble skillz, or my super-patented foundation technique then i might not share this, but really, there's nothing special to my eyelashes.

ladies: meet Maybelline Great Lash in Very Black. et voila.

we're only liars/but we're the best

there are three t-shirts in this world that mean a lot to me. they're all stolen from friends and boyfriends past, and they're all black but each mean something different to me, and remind me of the original owner when i wear them.

the first is a shirt that belonged to my best friend Aila. it's one of her volleyball shirts, and I think I got my hands on it when we went to the gym together in high school. It's a Roos volleyball t-shirt, and has her number, 5, on it. It's the perfect length to work out in because it doesn't climb up, but also fits nicely. It's gotten washed so many times that it's been worn to a nice, comfy, soft material. It's my lucky exam shirt, and I'm pretty sure that I spend about half of the finals period wearing it. It makes me think of her, and I usually wear it when I'm sad or upset about something and think of Aila's special way of listening and offering advice, calmly and suggestively, never telling me what to do, but usually whatever advice she offers is the best/most right/most practical that anyone gives me.

the second is a t-shirt i stole from my friend Dave. I've stolen much of his clothing in the past five years: t-shirts, sweatshirts, wristbands, you name it, i've tried to take it from him. my friendship with dave is something i look back on, half with fondness, half with sadness. i have my best friends, the girls i would lie down in traffic for, and i know they'd do anything for me. then i have the friends that were friends because we went to the same school, and we were supposed to hang out together, and sometimes i feel like they meant more to me than i did to them. I know that it's terrible to feel that way, and that they love me in their own way, but now I feel that if they're true friends, if they're there through thick and thin, you won't feel that way about them.

the last is my guinness t-shirt from Jay. this shirt reminds me of love, and flirting, and possibly the easiest relationship i ever had. Jay made it easy: he knew he liked me, and he pursued that. When I'm sad, and lonely, and feel like I won't be able to ever be loved again, I think about Jay and how I could make him laugh and how strongly he felt about me in such a short period of time. That was one of the happiest times in my life, and I look back on Jay with nothing but fondness.




Went to Erin's tonight, played with the four kittens she has in her house. I sat in the big lounge chair in her basement, one of them sleeping on my chest while I pet her. It's amazing, to feel this tiny thing in your hands, a little heart beating a million beats per minute, breathing steady, eyes squinting shut. The amount of love I felt for this tiny creature was incredible. When she opened her eyes and looked straight at me, full of sleepyness and trust and affection, my heart almost broke in two.

sit on top of the world/and tell me how you're feeling

good weekend.

saw jarhead on friday evening, throughly enjoyed it. i liked how the story wasn't one about being in combat, but more about waiting for war; about not being able to perform your sole function, to do what you're there to do and just waiting and waiting and waiting. it'd be the waiting that would drive me crazy.

then went out to Lodge. I'd been disappointed last time I was there, with Jeremy and Heather since the bar wasn't nearly as busy as it usually is. Silly me, I forgot that Friday is the best night for Lodge. it was packed with friends, since everyone had had enough work weekends for a while and just decided to blow shit off and party.

saturday we had carnival retreat. however, what happens at carnival retreat stays at carnival retreat. needless to say, there's some embarassing video footage of me singing AC/DC's If You Want Blood (You Got It) out there, waiting to be used in an inappropriate way.

my body however, was not so happy with the lack of sleep that i've been getting. what i do love, is the weekends where you just have so much fun that you can't help but look back on it and think "i can't believe that this is my life."

i'd been carving you/to see what form you'd take

i always hated the smell of smoke; it seemed cloying and suffocating and I hated when I was inside and someone would smoke. Lately, the faint smell of cigarettes is one of my favourite smells, not because I've started seriously smoking, but because it's been the source of my two main comforts lately, aka my boys.

my two fake big brothers, who take care of me and look after like no one else does. they're always ready with an invitation to talk or hang out when i need it, and i can go to either of them for snuggling or a hug. they both smell like cologne mixed with a tiny bit of smoke.

the best part about the both of them is that i can be whatever or whoever i feel like being: if i'm in a girly mood, i can giggle and flirt and toss my hair; or i can be a tomboy and talk about sports and action movies and the latest video game; or i can be sullen and crusty and annoyed; or soft and docile.

my house is getting uncomfortable lately; i hate being at home and find myself trying to avoid it lately. i hate it when i feel like i don't have a sanctuary, it makes me feel cornered.