i've loved the Beatles since before i can even remember. when i was especially good, growing up, my dad would let me use his record player, and my parents had the two eras of Beatles album, which i called the Red and the Blue albums. as far back as i can remember, on cold winter saturdays, my dad would light a fire in the early afternoon (when it was almost dusk) and he'd let me put on whichever Beatles album i wanted to listen to. i'd either read a nancy drew, or hardy boys, or read and memorize the Beatles lyrics. i don't ever remember not knowing the lyrics to those albums. they're engraved somewhere in my head, along with how to tie my shoelaces or my multiplication tables.
listening to the Beatles makes me think back to those days, where i'd be listening to them and intensely concentrating on one object for hours at a time. i suppose that's why i listen to them when i have to study.
even when i have to study stupid b2b marketing. sigh, Here Comes The Sun just came on. that was always one of my favourites, just because it sounds so sunny and warm and quietly joyful.
March 26, 2006
March 23, 2006
or something like it.
i've been trying to figure out why i love reading other people's blogs so much. i have about four that i go to daily, to see if there's been updates, and then about 5 more kind of semi regularily. i've come to two conclusions: 1) i like looking into people's lives, and 2) it makes me feel better when i see that people have the same difficulty with life that i do sometimes.
i've always claimed that i hate people, but it's really not true. there's people i don't like right off the bat and although sometimes i may change my mind about them, it usually stays the same. but i love something about most people i don't know. i love looking in houses late at night when the lights are on and the curtains aren't drawn. i love sitting in Pistol's giant window, ordering food and watching all the people go by. i like to see couples who are so clearly in love, and friends who are comfortable with each other, and people laughing and people who are sad. i love examining their hair, their shoes, and their outfits. i love imaging who they go home to at night, and who calls them first thing in the morning.
and blogs allow that, but on a much deeper level. you know the names of husbands and wives and dogs and cats, and if they want to have kids, and where they shop for tomatoes, and who they like, and what their regrets are. and on the days where i feel badly, that i've punked out somehow, it's incredibly reassuring to feel like someone did the same thing as well.
and i did punk out today. here's another deep, dark confession: i hate not being able to fix things. i hate it when something in my house is broken and i can't fix it, i hate it when a friendship is broken and i can't fix it. i just feel like such a large part of my life is out of my control right now and nothing i can do will fix it.
so i decided to come home, hide in bed, and see what other people have done today. see? i punked out.
i've always claimed that i hate people, but it's really not true. there's people i don't like right off the bat and although sometimes i may change my mind about them, it usually stays the same. but i love something about most people i don't know. i love looking in houses late at night when the lights are on and the curtains aren't drawn. i love sitting in Pistol's giant window, ordering food and watching all the people go by. i like to see couples who are so clearly in love, and friends who are comfortable with each other, and people laughing and people who are sad. i love examining their hair, their shoes, and their outfits. i love imaging who they go home to at night, and who calls them first thing in the morning.
and blogs allow that, but on a much deeper level. you know the names of husbands and wives and dogs and cats, and if they want to have kids, and where they shop for tomatoes, and who they like, and what their regrets are. and on the days where i feel badly, that i've punked out somehow, it's incredibly reassuring to feel like someone did the same thing as well.
and i did punk out today. here's another deep, dark confession: i hate not being able to fix things. i hate it when something in my house is broken and i can't fix it, i hate it when a friendship is broken and i can't fix it. i just feel like such a large part of my life is out of my control right now and nothing i can do will fix it.
so i decided to come home, hide in bed, and see what other people have done today. see? i punked out.
March 19, 2006
memories....
26ers of jack daniels finished by yours truly: 1
awesome st paddy's day hat jacked: 3
cumulative pictures taken: 362
times i woke up still drunk:3
earliest time passed out: 11:36
amount i'm in the hole: too extravagent to count
times i laughed: 2874
times i cried in the bathroom at Tokyo: 1
ex-boyfriends seen: 2 1/2
mean looks received because we were being so obnoxious:32
drinks purchased for me, when all i did was walk up to the bar: 6
best friends seen: 3
"Total clitoral annihilation"
"What are you…fat and out of breath?"
"That’s your thing…you’re mean to guys and they love the shit out of it"
"You have pit stains…..and it’s awesome"
"It looks like we’re all on a team…. TEAM AWESOME"
"I have a green phone….. wanna make out?"
"America….fuck yeah"
"Crapbag"
"I’m out…I’m in… we drink!"
"Soon this word document is going to just be gibberish"
"Holla at your boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
"AMERICA!!!! FUCK YEAH"
"I don’t know…. I don’t even want to talk about it"
"You can’t breathe….the steam and the water"
all this adds up to the best.weekend.ever.
awesome st paddy's day hat jacked: 3
cumulative pictures taken: 362
times i woke up still drunk:3
earliest time passed out: 11:36
amount i'm in the hole: too extravagent to count
times i laughed: 2874
times i cried in the bathroom at Tokyo: 1
ex-boyfriends seen: 2 1/2
mean looks received because we were being so obnoxious:32
drinks purchased for me, when all i did was walk up to the bar: 6
best friends seen: 3
"Total clitoral annihilation"
"What are you…fat and out of breath?"
"That’s your thing…you’re mean to guys and they love the shit out of it"
"You have pit stains…..and it’s awesome"
"It looks like we’re all on a team…. TEAM AWESOME"
"I have a green phone….. wanna make out?"
"America….fuck yeah"
"Crapbag"
"I’m out…I’m in… we drink!"
"Soon this word document is going to just be gibberish"
"Holla at your boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
"AMERICA!!!! FUCK YEAH"
"I don’t know…. I don’t even want to talk about it"
"You can’t breathe….the steam and the water"
all this adds up to the best.weekend.ever.
March 12, 2006
6 hrs later...
this pain au chocolat is the best thing i've ever eaten,
and my vanillalatte is the best thing i've ever had to drink.
also, i hate myself a little bit right now.
and my vanillalatte is the best thing i've ever had to drink.
also, i hate myself a little bit right now.
sigh.
one of my best friends came in to visit this weekend. i've known jeremy since i was eight years old and had a crush on him because he was the pitcher for my softball team. i then met up with him again in high school, and around grade 12 we got to be really close. we'd hang out and shoot the shit about everything: boys, girls, friends, school, what we wanted to be when we grew up, the kind of person we were going to be, etc.
when i went away to school, jer stayed in ottawa for his first year and then transferred to queen's in his second. we'd still see each other whenever we were home and would have the same types of conversations all the time. this summer, he went off to washington and i was in montreal for the summer so we lost touch a little bit, but still would take the time to check in with each other whenever we were in ottawa.
so he came into montreal this weekend, to see some family and came out two nights in a row with us, but what i really wanted to do was just go to a bar, get really drunk, and talk about the same things: how off track we are from the person we wanted to be, the people we used to love, the friends we've lost touch with, and just basically fill each other in on where we are in our lives. and i didn't get to do that, due to projects on my side and nighttime commitment's on his. and that kind of makes me sad, because jer is one of the few people that i trust to do that with, since i know he'll never tell anyone what i say. i'm going to visit him in about a month however, so hopefully i'll get one of those talks then.
when i went away to school, jer stayed in ottawa for his first year and then transferred to queen's in his second. we'd still see each other whenever we were home and would have the same types of conversations all the time. this summer, he went off to washington and i was in montreal for the summer so we lost touch a little bit, but still would take the time to check in with each other whenever we were in ottawa.
so he came into montreal this weekend, to see some family and came out two nights in a row with us, but what i really wanted to do was just go to a bar, get really drunk, and talk about the same things: how off track we are from the person we wanted to be, the people we used to love, the friends we've lost touch with, and just basically fill each other in on where we are in our lives. and i didn't get to do that, due to projects on my side and nighttime commitment's on his. and that kind of makes me sad, because jer is one of the few people that i trust to do that with, since i know he'll never tell anyone what i say. i'm going to visit him in about a month however, so hopefully i'll get one of those talks then.
March 05, 2006
teenage wasteland. except not so teenage.
i created a wasteland in my room this weekend. a wasteland is when you gather all the necessities for a day/weekend/week and spend that day in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom, or wandering to the kitchen to get something to eat/drink. it has two origins, one being the concept and the other being the name.
the concept came from a week in high school, when my parents went away and aila came to live with me so i wouldn't be lonely or scared but really to keep me girly company. we moved the coffee table from the living room into the hallway and brought up the big green double mattress from the basement and opened it up on the living room floor, piling it with blankets and almost every pillow we could find. at first, we slept in our beds but as the week wore on, we'd eat in the bed, and soon started sleeping in there together. we'd get home from school, put on sweatpants, climb onto the mattress and proceed to spend the rest of our night there, watching movies, doing homework (on the rare occasion that we had it), and the night me, aila, dave and jer drove to Hull to buy beer so we could get tanked on our own, and the four of us slept in the wasteland that night.
the name wasteland comes from when Brian performed the same function, but with a futon on his living room for weeks at a time, but you could smoke it in, and eat in it, and watch movies and study and bring your laptop over. we would waste entire days on that futon, hence the Wasteland. it bridges the gap between comfort and studying.
so, when i woke up on friday and felt like crap physically due to the ton of mucus currently residing somewhere in my lungs, i decided to make a wasteland in my bed for the weekend and not leave the comfort of it. what's in it, you ask? well, currently there's a Vanity Fair and LouLou (Canadian shopping) magazine, my computer (currently playing The Bends album by Radiohead), three crumpled tissues for my cold, my to do list, my ipod, a tub of lip balm, a highlighter, pen, and calculator, my Strategies for Developing Countries course pack, two pillows, a half eaten grapefruit in a bowl, and a mug of tea. and me, sprawled across my tiny twin bed.
the wasteland will remain, probably for the rest of the month, since i love doing work in bed so much more than i love at a desk. until it comes time for the serious term papers, at least, where i need to sit so that i feel studious and professional.
the concept came from a week in high school, when my parents went away and aila came to live with me so i wouldn't be lonely or scared but really to keep me girly company. we moved the coffee table from the living room into the hallway and brought up the big green double mattress from the basement and opened it up on the living room floor, piling it with blankets and almost every pillow we could find. at first, we slept in our beds but as the week wore on, we'd eat in the bed, and soon started sleeping in there together. we'd get home from school, put on sweatpants, climb onto the mattress and proceed to spend the rest of our night there, watching movies, doing homework (on the rare occasion that we had it), and the night me, aila, dave and jer drove to Hull to buy beer so we could get tanked on our own, and the four of us slept in the wasteland that night.
the name wasteland comes from when Brian performed the same function, but with a futon on his living room for weeks at a time, but you could smoke it in, and eat in it, and watch movies and study and bring your laptop over. we would waste entire days on that futon, hence the Wasteland. it bridges the gap between comfort and studying.
so, when i woke up on friday and felt like crap physically due to the ton of mucus currently residing somewhere in my lungs, i decided to make a wasteland in my bed for the weekend and not leave the comfort of it. what's in it, you ask? well, currently there's a Vanity Fair and LouLou (Canadian shopping) magazine, my computer (currently playing The Bends album by Radiohead), three crumpled tissues for my cold, my to do list, my ipod, a tub of lip balm, a highlighter, pen, and calculator, my Strategies for Developing Countries course pack, two pillows, a half eaten grapefruit in a bowl, and a mug of tea. and me, sprawled across my tiny twin bed.
the wasteland will remain, probably for the rest of the month, since i love doing work in bed so much more than i love at a desk. until it comes time for the serious term papers, at least, where i need to sit so that i feel studious and professional.
March 04, 2006
people in my life
i've always been hesitant to bring others into this blog, keeping it mostly as a journal. since i'm not really sure who reads it, i've never wanted to bring other people's business into the spotlight, for the sole reason that i'm not sure if they would want their laundry aired, whether it be dirty or clean. for that purpose, sometimes people are referred to by initials, sometimes by first names, usually depending on the mood i'm in that day. in the past few days i've tried writing about various people in my life; to try and create a sort of "who's who" in my everyday musings. erin and andrea in the close friend category, brian in the best friend role, alison and leela as roommates, lindsay, julian, and the various others who help me get through my day, and let me call them late at night. the things is, they can't be properly encapsulated, even if i spent an entire page describing them. there's so many nuances and the relationships are so complex that i could never even try.
i do have favourite things about all of them:
how brian is pretty much accessible to talk 24-7. how i worried when he moved to toronto that we'd drift apart, and both get so wrapped up in our lives that we wouldn't talk anymore. i mean, it was easier when he lived down the street and i could walk over in ten minutes, but i like knowing that i can just msn or call, even if it's at three in the morning and he'll make some corny joke and make me feel better about myself usually.
how julian is so instrumental to my development as a better human being. he is so patient with me that it blows my mind, and yet never lets me get away with bullshit. he makes me look inward and see how i really feel about something, and forces me to tell myself the truth. i think i've seen him in a bad mood maybe once, and yet he puts up with my constant melodramatic crazyness and exaggerations.
alison and leela always let me flop on their beds when i get home and complain. they know to give me my space when i've had a shitty week and haven't showered and have crazy hair. they both get up super early and sometimes talk loudly, which pisses me off. they let me eat their food.
in other news, i feel like crap. this cold has gotten the better of me for almost two months, and i'm beginning to suspect either strep throat or bronchitis. so now i have to go to the stupid health clinic and wait for a nurse for an hour, who will then proceed to tell me that i'm fine, even though i'm not.
still ignoring all the work i have to do. i worked on my CV today, now i just need to find jobs to sent it to. what a mundane life i lead. oh. also, jeremy said he might come up to visit from Queen's this weekend. therefore, i am taking this weekend off from any drunken debauchery. i am also taking this weekend off in an attempt to get some of the stuff on my to do list crossed off.
i do have favourite things about all of them:
how brian is pretty much accessible to talk 24-7. how i worried when he moved to toronto that we'd drift apart, and both get so wrapped up in our lives that we wouldn't talk anymore. i mean, it was easier when he lived down the street and i could walk over in ten minutes, but i like knowing that i can just msn or call, even if it's at three in the morning and he'll make some corny joke and make me feel better about myself usually.
how julian is so instrumental to my development as a better human being. he is so patient with me that it blows my mind, and yet never lets me get away with bullshit. he makes me look inward and see how i really feel about something, and forces me to tell myself the truth. i think i've seen him in a bad mood maybe once, and yet he puts up with my constant melodramatic crazyness and exaggerations.
alison and leela always let me flop on their beds when i get home and complain. they know to give me my space when i've had a shitty week and haven't showered and have crazy hair. they both get up super early and sometimes talk loudly, which pisses me off. they let me eat their food.
in other news, i feel like crap. this cold has gotten the better of me for almost two months, and i'm beginning to suspect either strep throat or bronchitis. so now i have to go to the stupid health clinic and wait for a nurse for an hour, who will then proceed to tell me that i'm fine, even though i'm not.
still ignoring all the work i have to do. i worked on my CV today, now i just need to find jobs to sent it to. what a mundane life i lead. oh. also, jeremy said he might come up to visit from Queen's this weekend. therefore, i am taking this weekend off from any drunken debauchery. i am also taking this weekend off in an attempt to get some of the stuff on my to do list crossed off.
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