i always find it odd when i find out someone's been reading my blog. it's kind of disarming, like having someone you know open up your heart and brain and poke around for a little bit. for some reason i've always felt more at ease with myself when i'm with strangers, because i don't care about the need to prove myself. but the people around me, the people i love, those are the people i want to keep looking at me the same way.
we move this weekend. i'm super excited, because the house is beautiful and amazing, but most of all i'm excited to have my own space again. and i'm especially excited to sit in the giant living room in the dark and watch the street below from the huge window.
i've never really understood why people don't like the dark. it's sort of a recurring theme on this blog, how i enjoy the dark so much, but it seems so familiar, so comforting, like an old blanket wrapped around your skin. i'd imagine it comes from the nights where i can't sleep and end up just dozing for a few hours at a time after i've gone out with friends. i love feeling my way around a house, using senses other than my eyes. i remember a long time ago, lying on my bedroom floor listening to music with a boy and wanting that moment to go on forever. so many of my favourite moments, hushed and quietly reverent, have taken place late at night, with the feeling that i'm the only person on the planet.
one of my absolute favourite nights was this past year, around november when it just started to get chilly. i couldn't get in touch with a partner for a group project due the next day and had to write his half of a thirty page paper in one night. it started out at java u at 9, and continued at my house around midnight until 8 am when i crawled in bed for a two hour nap. i remember julian pulling an all nighter at home that night, and we would chat online and keep each other company every hour or so, checking in on one another. i remember talking to josh on the phone at around 6 in the morning, sitting outside with a mug of coffee, wrapped in the blanket my mother had knit for me, watching the sunrise. i remember dragging myself to school that day in sweatpants and my favourite sweatshirt to drop off my paper (which i was incredibly proud of), and then getting home in the early evening and being too wired to sleep. i ended up heading to drew's for comfort, where on the way i bumped into austin and made plans to see jarhead that weekend, and then drew and wade ordered me alto's while i crashed on his bed and watched them play video games.
it was such an overwhelming 24 hours at the time, but in retrospect it was probably one of my favourite days ever.
