choices are weird things if you reflect upon them.
for me, making choices have always been a snap decision, something that i listen to my gut feeling for. the only thing that takes time is the justification of my choice, but i pretty much immediately know what path i'll undertake. but it's recently come to my attention how much the little choices affect our lives.
the big choices are obvious: when i picked where'd i'd go to university, when i entered into relationships, when i picked a place to live and a roommate to go along with it, when i chose to stop playing piano after ten years; these choices are some of the few which stand out.
then there's the others: how i choose what to eat for breakfast (whatever is in the fridge), what i choose to wear that day (a combination of what the weather is like and the mood i'm in that day), what movie i'll rent (a three step system consisting of narrowing down choices and then weighing the pros and cons of each before ultimately selecting a winner). these are the little choices that sometimes result in being more important than they should have, like when i get food poisoning from bad eggs, or when a movie really affects me on a personal level, as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind did.
and then there's the medium choices: should i accept an invitation from this person to go out? should i tell this person how i really feel about them? should i open myself up, or close myself off to this new friend? should i trust someone? these are the tricky choices; the ones that could potentially be inconsequential, but could also be huge, momentous, life-changing events. the little shifts in personality, in thinking, in the fundamentals of yourself. these are the hardest ones for me to make, since i hate surprises. i like being able to weigh the possibilities and pick when i'm reasonably sure of the outcome. mostly, i hate second guessing myself and these are the choices that make me do that the most.
this one choice though, is too important to let go of. and i already know what i'm going to do, i just need to get a sign, an indication of when.
"if you don't have to wait for something you want, how do you know it's worth wanting?"
