my room is a mess. whenever i get busy, i completely ignore tidying up. clothes get thrown around and left on the floor, glasses half full of water are collecting by the radiator, there's a 2L half-empty bottle of Diet Coke lying next to my bed and books scattered everywhere.
i skipped two classes today.
i smoke too much when i drink now.
i forget to take the garbage out sometimes, or purposely walk by the recycling bin because i don't want to carry outside.
even though it bothers me when my roommate does it, i feel tempted to leave a tiny bit of milk in the bag.
i love coffee even though it makes me stay up all night.
now, writing this, i kind of want some sugar-free Red Bull.
i rarely carry any cash, and if doing something requires cash i don't usually have enough for what we're about to do.
i drink a lot. if anyone offers to buy me a drink, or food, i take it.
i love diet coke.
i sleep a lot, and get angry when others are loud around the house and wake me up before i'm ready.
if i don't know the answer to a question, i make up an answer so at least i look smart for the next five minutes.
i spend a lot of time on my computer. probably an unhealthy amount. i hate it when other people touch my computer unless they're a certified computer engineer. i hate it when people touch it without asking first. i hate when i can tell someone's been on my computer when i wasn't home.
i'm still scared of balloons popping.
i buy things even when i don't have the money for it. i hate this about myself: that i'll convince myself that i absolutely have to go out for dinner, or i completely can't live without that new pair of shoes and look, they're on sale right now so if i get them i'll have to pay way less than normal.
sometimes i'm bitchy for no absolute reason except for the fact that the person is bothering me, but it's really not them, it's me.
i screen my calls and sometimes don't return them.
i assume that girls don't like me when i first meet them. i've always found it easier to get along with boys than girls, and i sometimes discount being friends with a girl if i don't like some sentence out of her mouth, or if i don't like what she's wearing, or how she does her hair, or how she waves her hands in the air when she talks, or if other boys think she's the hottest thing ever.
i trash talk when i play sports. i trash talk when i play games.
i can't eat properly. my mother tried to teach me how to be a lady and eat with a fork and knife, but somehow food always ends up in my lap, or sauce gets smeared on my shoulder, or i get crumbs everywhere, or soup on the tablecloth. i've actually accidently thrown a piece of sushi.
i hate things just because they're popular.
i'm hypocritical, especially when it comes to myself. i give out advice to others but never take it to heart. i say that i'm one type of person when i'm really the complete opposite.
i'm a mess. i'll never be one of those girls with every hair in place, and a space for everything in her purse with an organized planner, and unwrinkle clothes. i'm the girl with flyaways, with wedgies, with everything mixed in at the bottom of her bag, with smeared mascara, or an untie shoes, who swears, laughs, and sneezes too loudly. and sometimes i hate that about myself, which is my secret shame. today was one of the days where all of the above bugs me. sometimes the opposite is true, when i revel in my flaws. don't judge me. or do like i sometimes do, and just judge me secretly.
