Good day so far.
Woke up to Daddy calling from Ottawa to ask if there's any special reason my parents can't travel to China in the upcoming months. Why China? I'm not really sure. Allegedly both my parents have been wanting to go for a while. Had a little MSN chat with Steph, which made me not want to hustle my ass off to school. During my only class of the day (International Business Policy) none of my group was there, so I got to choose my ideal group presentation date without consulting anyone else. Paid attention in class and took good notes because I felt really focused today. Went to the gym and got in a solid workout, even ran a bit as my calf muscle wasn't acting up as it usually does when I try to do anything faster than a light jog. Got home to no one home, going to have a bath and wash my hair and try to relax for a while. Supposed to go study with A in the afternoon. I must say, the fact that he has so much work and asks me everyday if I'm doing work in the afternoon is making me quite a productive girl. I always say yes, that I am, since I want to spend as much time as possible with him and so as a result I'm ahead in one of my classes for once.
And that's the thing I realized with A: no games. I mean, we're still just hanging out and being friends, but if he asked anything about me having an enormous crush on him, I'd 'fess up. The last "relationship" with Fuckhead Douchebag and all the games he played with me just fucked me up: I felt shitty about myself, about being with him, about liking him, everything. I knew he was so bad for me and I continually put myself down and second guessed myself when it came to him; I was hesitant to ask him to hang out, scared of calling him, terrified to go out with him because I never knew who else he'd be hitting on, or if he'd be paying attention to me. And that's what I like with A, that I'm never worried with him. I'm never nervous to pick up the phone and call him. I'm trying not to think "well, I called him yesterday, so he should call today", etc. I'm trying incredibly hard not to be neurotic, not to be one of those crazy girls, not to play games. I'm trying to be myself, and if he likes that then he'll like me. If he doesn't, well then, at least I get someone in my life who makes me laugh, who writes little equations on my notes for Sales explaining the graph I'm drawing, who helps me with the crossword, who lends me books and tells me which movies to watch, who'll try to explain anything to me, and who high fives me at the door when he leaves.
