there are three t-shirts in this world that mean a lot to me. they're all stolen from friends and boyfriends past, and they're all black but each mean something different to me, and remind me of the original owner when i wear them.
the first is a shirt that belonged to my best friend Aila. it's one of her volleyball shirts, and I think I got my hands on it when we went to the gym together in high school. It's a Roos volleyball t-shirt, and has her number, 5, on it. It's the perfect length to work out in because it doesn't climb up, but also fits nicely. It's gotten washed so many times that it's been worn to a nice, comfy, soft material. It's my lucky exam shirt, and I'm pretty sure that I spend about half of the finals period wearing it. It makes me think of her, and I usually wear it when I'm sad or upset about something and think of Aila's special way of listening and offering advice, calmly and suggestively, never telling me what to do, but usually whatever advice she offers is the best/most right/most practical that anyone gives me.
the second is a t-shirt i stole from my friend Dave. I've stolen much of his clothing in the past five years: t-shirts, sweatshirts, wristbands, you name it, i've tried to take it from him. my friendship with dave is something i look back on, half with fondness, half with sadness. i have my best friends, the girls i would lie down in traffic for, and i know they'd do anything for me. then i have the friends that were friends because we went to the same school, and we were supposed to hang out together, and sometimes i feel like they meant more to me than i did to them. I know that it's terrible to feel that way, and that they love me in their own way, but now I feel that if they're true friends, if they're there through thick and thin, you won't feel that way about them.
the last is my guinness t-shirt from Jay. this shirt reminds me of love, and flirting, and possibly the easiest relationship i ever had. Jay made it easy: he knew he liked me, and he pursued that. When I'm sad, and lonely, and feel like I won't be able to ever be loved again, I think about Jay and how I could make him laugh and how strongly he felt about me in such a short period of time. That was one of the happiest times in my life, and I look back on Jay with nothing but fondness.
Went to Erin's tonight, played with the four kittens she has in her house. I sat in the big lounge chair in her basement, one of them sleeping on my chest while I pet her. It's amazing, to feel this tiny thing in your hands, a little heart beating a million beats per minute, breathing steady, eyes squinting shut. The amount of love I felt for this tiny creature was incredible. When she opened her eyes and looked straight at me, full of sleepyness and trust and affection, my heart almost broke in two.
