you've gone a million miles/how far'd you get/to that place where you can't remember and you can't forget

She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth if the
Words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides
She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice
You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get to that place where
You can't remember and you can't forget
She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay a million miles away

I used to think that the "secret garden" was about sex, but I think that at 1:27 am on a Monday night, I've finally figured it out. It's really about that place, where you'll show the person you love, all of you. Your crazyness, your hopes, your dreams, your fears. You're surrendering everything you are and might ever be to the other person. And sometimes you know that it's still a secret to only you, not even your family or your best friends can touch that area of your life. And sometimes it makes you sad, because you know that you still can't give that part of yourself to someone.

I hate these nights, where I just simply can't sleep. And there's a sadness that's so deep that it's almost tangible. The words weren't there tonight, to ask for what I needed from someone. Maybe that's what's making me sad, that I wanted someone to recognize what I needed and it wasn't there.