i've been trying to figure out why i love reading other people's blogs so much. i have about four that i go to daily, to see if there's been updates, and then about 5 more kind of semi regularily. i've come to two conclusions: 1) i like looking into people's lives, and 2) it makes me feel better when i see that people have the same difficulty with life that i do sometimes.
i've always claimed that i hate people, but it's really not true. there's people i don't like right off the bat and although sometimes i may change my mind about them, it usually stays the same. but i love something about most people i don't know. i love looking in houses late at night when the lights are on and the curtains aren't drawn. i love sitting in Pistol's giant window, ordering food and watching all the people go by. i like to see couples who are so clearly in love, and friends who are comfortable with each other, and people laughing and people who are sad. i love examining their hair, their shoes, and their outfits. i love imaging who they go home to at night, and who calls them first thing in the morning.
and blogs allow that, but on a much deeper level. you know the names of husbands and wives and dogs and cats, and if they want to have kids, and where they shop for tomatoes, and who they like, and what their regrets are. and on the days where i feel badly, that i've punked out somehow, it's incredibly reassuring to feel like someone did the same thing as well.
and i did punk out today. here's another deep, dark confession: i hate not being able to fix things. i hate it when something in my house is broken and i can't fix it, i hate it when a friendship is broken and i can't fix it. i just feel like such a large part of my life is out of my control right now and nothing i can do will fix it.
so i decided to come home, hide in bed, and see what other people have done today. see? i punked out.
